


Withering

by Name_Surname



Series: Choni Married Life oneshots [6]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Cheryl Blossom Needs a Hug, F/F, Hugs, Miscarriage, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 23:31:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14904273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Name_Surname/pseuds/Name_Surname
Summary: Cheryl and Toni's second pregnancy doesn't end as happily as they had hoped.





	Withering

**Author's Note:**

> TW. for miscarriage
> 
> Also I've made a fan twitter that I hardly ever use but I'm making a choni au on it is you're interested in checking that out, the @ is choni_bombshell

i 

 

It all started when Nessa began insisting that Cheryl was carrying her baby brother when they were getting ready for bed. Toni and Cheryl were surprised to say the least, Nessa had never even shown an interest in babies before. She never asked for dolls and when she was given one she never played with them. They sat in discarded corners of the house and the ends of her toy chest. 

 

Other kids in her playgroup liked to push their dolls around in strollers with their mothers as they went for walks together through the park. Nessa would always insist on scooting (slowly) on her scooter whenever they left the house. 

 

Each scooting endeavour ended with Cheryl carrying a crying Nessa with scraped knees and elbows and Toni carrying the purple and pink scooter. 

 

So when they were getting ready for bed and Nessa poked Cheryl’s stomach asking how long would it be for her baby brother to come out both girls were understandably confused.

 

“Sweetie we aren’t having another baby.” Toni had told her as she patted down her curls. Nessa laughed at her like Toni didn’t understand and shook her head.

 

“Yes we are. It’s in Mo’s belly.” She laughed. 

 

Cheryl furrowed her brow and looked to Toni. Neither girl really knew what to say to their daughter.

 

“There’s no baby in my belly, Nessa.” Cheryl told her sweetly. Neither party wanted to upset the girl but it was just something that wasn’t a reality for them. Both girls were pretty content with a hyperactive three year old, neither of them really longed for another child. The thought of having another baby hadn’t even crossed Toni’s mind until Nessa had asked them that. 

 

“Yes there is. That where my brother is.” Nessa reiterated. 

 

“There is no baby.” Cheryl repeated, a little sterner this time. Should she take this as an insult? Is this her daughter’s way of calling her fat?

 

“Yes there is.” Nessa repeated, growing frustrated with the back and forth. “That’s what happens. The baby isn’t in Mama’s belly, it’s in Mo’s.” 

 

“Honey, we aren’t having another baby. Mo and Mama would have to go to the doctor for us to put a baby in Mo’s belly and we haven’t been to the doctor have we?” Toni asked. She had beant down to Nessa’s level and was looking her directly in her eyes. Nessa’s bottom lip jutted out as she whimpered out a pathetic ‘ _ no.’  _ “See, so Mo can’t have a baby in her belly.”

 

Neither party expected Nessa to burst into tears as she repeated “No fair.” again and again. She flopped down on the floor in perfect tantrum manner and hit her fists and kicked her feet. 

 

“Why isn’t it fair sweetie?” Cheryl asked her once she’d stopped her wailing and was instead heaving in her breaths dramatically. Toni blames Cheryl for most of their daughters dramatics. 

 

“‘Cause Eloise has a baby brother and auntie Ronnie is having a baby and Rosie has a little sister and I’m all by myself.” She sobbed.

 

Cheryl cringed at that. She had never known the only child life this young, she didn’t think her daughter could miss what she never had. Toni was an only child but growing up in such a close knit community Sweet Pea and Fangs were basically her brothers. She never felt a longing for any siblings. 

 

“You aren’t all by yourself baby, you have your friends in playgroup. You play with Rosie every day.” Toni told her as she wiped Nessa’s tears from her cheeks. 

 

Nessa sniffled and shrugged. “I want a brother.” She cried, sadly. 

 

Cheryl frowned and looked to Toni. Cheryl didn’t know how to handle this situation. This was all so unexpected for her. 

 

“I’m sorry sweetie, but mo and mama are happy with just you.” Toni told her, as she softened down her hair again. Nessa sniffled and rubbed her nose with her sleeve. 

 

“I’m not happy with just me.” Nessa complained. 

 

Cheryl sighed and picked Nessa up hugging her tightly. Nessa rested her head on Cheryl’s chest. Her hand instinctively wrapped itself in the fabric of Cheryl’s shirt. Cheryl patted her back soothingly as Nessa listened to the calm beating of Cheryl’s heart. “Are you ready to go to bed?” Cheryl asked her after planting a soft kiss on the girls temple. Nessa shook her head no against Cheryl’s shirt. Undoubtedly staining it with tears or snot. (Probably both)

 

“What about if I read you two stories?” Toni suggested, trying to course the young girl into a slumber. 

 

“Three.” Nessa mumbled, her voice muffled by the fabric of Cheryl’s shirt. 

 

“Fine, you win. Time for bed.” Toni agreed as she lifted her from Cheryl’s arms. She held her up high over her head causing Nessa to squeal and kick her legs excitedly. It earned them a glare from Cheryl because she did not want the girl to be full of beans right before bedtime.

 

ii

“I feel bad.” Toni pouted once she came into the bedroom after putting Nessa down for the night. “She really wanted a baby brother.”

 

Cheryl sighed as she closed her book over and placed it on the bedside locker. “Like where did she even get the idea that I was pregnant?” 

 

Toni nodded in understanding as she slipped under the covers. “She doesn’t even like babies. She cried when Kevin asked if she wanted to hold Linh.”

 

Cheryl cringed at the memory of Nessa wailing causing the sleeping newborn to wake up, and subsequently wail. “Have you ever thought about it?” Cheryl asked looking over at Toni.

 

“Us having another kid?” Toni asked. Cheryl nodded. “Not in a really long time. When we were pregnant with Nessa I was excited to start a family, I wanted us to have three kids , but like now we’ve just been so busy, having another kid isn’t something I’ve really thought of. Why have you?” 

 

“No, I mean we only just moved back here and my company is after growing so much that family planning isn’t really on the forefront of my mind. But since she said it earlier, I kind of like the idea.” Cheryl admitted. “A girl and a boy. It would be sweet.”

 

Toni nodded. “Does Riverdale General even do IVF? We’d be traveling to get treatment.” 

 

Cheryl shrugged. “I wasn’t expecting we start tomorrow, it’s just the implantation we’d be traveling for. Riverdale still has a maternity ward.”

 

Toni was silent for a moment. “Do you want to try then?” She asked. 

 

Cheryl’s breath caught in her throat, did she? They had plenty of space in their house since moving back to Riverdale to fit another child and they’d have a lot more support since most of their friends still live in town. It’s the normal really for a suburban family, two kids. If they start trying now Nessa and the baby would actually get to grow up together instead of being years apart. 

 

“Like soon?” Cheryl asked, nervously. 

 

“Only if you’re comfortable with it.” Toni reassured. “But yeah in the next few months.”

 

Cheryl nodded. “Yeah, I want to.” She agreed, she let herself smile. “I want another baby, it’ll be exciting to do it all over again.”

 

Toni smiled back and kissed Cheryl. 

 

She’s incredibly lucky. 

 

iii.

 

Less than a month later Cheryl and Toni sat in a doctors office waiting to be called in. Cheryl’s leg was bouncing, she was nervous. Toni considered that pretty understandable, getting yourself probed  _ down there  _ was never fun, never mind the whole insemination process. 

 

Sweet Pea was watching Nessa for them. Nessa got along with Sweet Pea’s stepdaughter Rosie like a house on fire. The pair combined were a fiery combination, destined to get in trouble each time they hung out. If ever the pair were quiet together one can be certain they were up to no good. Once they painted their timber floors in the dining room with blue paint because Cheryl hadn’t put it away properly. 

 

(Cheryl denies her being at fault for the paint incident.)

 

“Do you think it’ll work first time around?” Toni asked Cheryl, trying to make idle conversation, to sway Cheryl’s nerves away. 

 

Cheryl shrugged. “It didn’t last time, I amn’t going to get my hopes up.”

 

Toni nodded. It was understandable, if they got their hopes up they would just be upset if nothing implanted. “Yeah, that’s probably the right idea.”

 

“I want it to though, this is the worst part.” Cheryl admitted as her leg bounced faster.

 

They had a brief discussion of Toni carrying this time, Toni didn’t mind which one of them carried but  Cheryl really wanted to be the one to carry. Toni is generally the one who spends most of the time at home with Nessa since her work hours are a lot less than Cheryl’s, Cheryl feels like she needs to carry them to feel the same closeness that Toni gets necessarily. Toni didn’t fight her on it. Cheryl was so adorable when she had her bump with Nessa and Toni was excited to get to see her with one again.

 

“Yeah, it probably isn’t too comfortable huh?” Toni placed a hand on Cheryl’s leg, steadying it. She gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

 

“You’ve no idea.” Cheryl said with a low chuckle.

 

“I’m so proud of you.” Toni whispered to her, planting a kiss on the side of her head. Cheryl smiled at her. 

 

“Blossom, Cheryl. The doctor is ready to see you in examination room 4.” The nurse announced. 

 

Cheryl looked up at Toni and let out a nervous breath. Toni took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You ready?” Toni asked her, standing up.

 

Cheryl nodded and squeezed her hand back. “Try not to get too turned on with me wearing that paper hospital gown.” Cheryl joked to her. 

 

“Well everything looks good on you.” Toni reminded her.

 

iv

 

Toni had an odd sense of  _ déjà vu _ as Tony sat perched on the bathroom sink with Cheryl sitting on the lid of the toilet. The only difference now was that the bathroom was bigger and Tony could actually perch herself comfortably on the bathroom sink. 

 

Of course it was pretty hard to make yourself comfortable when waiting on a pregnancy tense. There were nervous butterflies swarming it her stomach. Or maybe they were excited butterflies. Toni couldn’t place them. She watched her wife who was chewing her lower lip and bouncing her leg. 

 

“If it’s negative we’ll try next month.” Cheryl told her, reaffirming what they had discussed already. Toni nodded. 

 

“Do you think it will be?” Toni asked her. Cheryl shrugged. She didn’t really have all too many tell tale pregnancy symptoms with Nessa. She never even felt nauseous, she doesn’t really know what she is meant to feel. 

 

“I don’t know.” Cheryl gave her left leg a rest and moved to bouncing her right. 

 

Toni stared down at her nails and began to chip away at the black nail polish she had applied a few days prior. Cheryl always gave out to her when she did, she says it looks sloppy when her nails are chipping. Lately Nessa has been trying to paint her nails, it usually just results in her painting up to Toni’s knuckle in polish. Cheryl said nothing this time as she watched flakes of black stick themselves to her wifes white vest top.

 

The alarm on Cheryl’s phone went off letting the couple know their 5 minutes were up. Cheryl sat straighter and rubbed nervous hands against her legs.

 

“Do you want to look first?” Toni asked her. Cheryl contemplated it for a moment before deciding no she didn’t.

 

“You look first.” Cheryl told her, nodding her head towards her.

 

Toni nodded and did as she was told, flipping the small plastic stick around in her hands.

 

“Two lines is pregnant.” Cheryl reminded her, she had her face hidden in her hands, red hair making a curtain around her face. Toni could tell by Cheryl’s demeanor that she thought this test was negative.

 

So maybe that's why when she was flipping the test she expected to see a single line. Surely Cheryl would know her own body well enough to suspect if she was actually pregnant. So when she saw two lines on the test she nearly dropped it. She could hardly believe the sight in front of her, they were pregnant.

 

“Are we?” Cheryl asked looking at Toni’s surprised expression with a premature smile. She wouldn’t let herself get excited too early in fear of getting her hopes up. But she let her smile grow when Toni nodded with watery eyes confirming to her. 

 

Cheryl felt her own eyes grow wet as she grabbed Toni’s face planting a hard kiss on her lips. 

v

 

Cheryl knows that you are meant to wait three months to tell people you are pregnant but she is excited. She wants to see Nessa’s reaction. She wants to tell their friends. She wants everyone to be as excited for her as she is for herself. 

 

Toni was excited too and as much as she was trying to sway Cheryl to wait for them to be three months along before telling anyone she gives in to Cheryl’s request to tell Nessa at six weeks along. 

 

They can’t exactly do anything big for her since she is only three and she can’t read so Toni suggested they just buy a little babygrow and have Nessa unwrap it. Cheryl agrees finding the idea cute. Toni buys a simple plain blue babygrow and Cheryl wraps it since Toni can’t do that very well. 

 

When they pick Nessa up from playgroup, they tell there is a surprise at home for her. The girl happily lists off everything she suspects the surprise might be they range from as big and extravagant as a trip to Disneyland to as mundane as  _ gogurt.  _

 

Her ideas do however give Toni many suggestions for her christmas present which she is happy for. Cheryl gave her no indication whether she was right or wrong simply replying that she would see at home. Nessa excitedly fidgeted in her car seat for the whole ride. 

 

When Toni pulled into the driveway she immediately unbuckled herself and waited for Cheryl to open her door. They never take the child lock off after an unfortunate incident a few months prior that Cheryl still gets angry and scared thinking about. 

 

“Where’s my surprise?” Nessa asked as she dumped her coat onto the floor behind her, she knew someone would pick it up for her. “Is it in the backyard?” 

 

Before Toni had a chance to reply Nessa went running through the house to investigate. She came back with a frown on her face and her arms crossed. She looked adorable in the little pink denim pinafore Toni dressed her in, her pigtails reached just above her shoulders, the ends curling up into little ringlets. Toni is amazed at how cute she is sometimes. 

 

“It’s in the living room but you have to wait for mo before you open it.” Toni told her, Cheryl was picking up Nessa’s discarded coat at putting it away in the closet. Nessa nodded before sprinting into the living room. “She’s so excited.” 

 

Cheryl smiled. Seeing Nessa as excited as she was never failed to make her happy. 

 

When the couple walked into the living room peaking into the wrapped present. She dropped it instantly when she spotted her parents walk through the door, she knew better than too open it so neither girl gave out to her for peaking. Cheryl doubted she even saw anything, it’s too dark for her to make anything out. 

 

“Can I open now?” Nessa asked. Toni nodded giving her the go ahead and Nessa tore open to the packaging. She never liked it when people told her to save the paper because she could never figure out how to stop the tape from  peeling off the colours anyway. Tiny strips of the shredded wrapping paper decorated their living room floor. 

 

Nessa held up the baby grow confused. “What’s this?” She asked. She began to inspect the metal clasps on the rear of the suit. 

 

“It’s a baby grow.” Cheryl explained.

 

“This won’t fit me.” Nessa told her, with an obvious look about her. She proved it by trying to put it over her head, only for it too get caught at the neck hole, stretching it beyond wear. Cheryl chuckled at the sight. 

 

“Who do you think could wear it?” Toni asked her as she helped pull it off her head. 

 

Nessa thought for a moment. “Eloise’s brother.” She decided with a nod.

 

“Well that might be a little too small for him, who else?” 

 

“Tito.” 

 

Tito was there neighbours yappy chihuahua who Cheryl despised and Nessa adored. “Dog’s don’t wear people clothes.”

 

Nessa seemed stumped. She shrugged stared down at the babygrow. “Well I guess my baby brother but he’s not here yet.” That seemed to bum her out.

 

“What if he is here now?” Toni said, excitedly. 

 

Nessa’s jaw dropped and she starred up at Toni. “Really?” She squealed. 

 

“Well maybe not a brother but there is a baby in Mo’s belly.” Toni told her. 

 

Nessa let out an excited squeal and began to jump on the sofa. “I’m going to be a big sister!” She chanted.

 

“The baby is only the size of a sweet pea.” Cheryl told her. 

 

Nessa halted in her jumping and her eyes widened. “Are you okay?” She asked walking up to Cheryl pawing at her stomach.

 

“Of course sweetie, babies don’t hurt.”

 

“So when do they shrink?” She asked, “You don’t look very big.”

 

Toni realised where Nessa’s sudden concern came from. “Not uncle Pea baby, an actual sweet pea.”

 

“Oh.” Nessa said, a little relieved. 

 

Cheryl smiled and hugged her baby close. She would only be her baby for that little bit longer. 

 

vi

 

Nessa accidently told everyone at Poppy’s first birthday party. Despite being told repeatedly in the car on the way over that it wasn’t public knowledge yet she announced it proudly. What can you expect from a three year old though?

 

Cheryl didn’t really mind too much. She was eight weeks so the fact Nessa managed to keep it a secret for two weeks was a gift in itself. Everyone was so happy for the couple and Sweet Pea was torn between feeling happy for his best friend and feeling bitter that they had upstaged his daughters first birthday. Poppy basically sat in his pocket. She was quiet the little daddy’s girl. 

 

“Oh my god, I didn’t even know you guys were trying again.” Betty squealed giving the couple a hug once they’d confirmed the truth bomb Nessa had dropped. 

 

“Yeah, we were trying to keep it a bit lowkey since we are only 10 weeks but little missy couldn’t help herself.” Toni said, as she ruffled Nessa’s hair. Nessa giggled and pulled away from her mother to go play with the other kids. 

 

“Congratulations you two.” Kevin cheered raising his glass that was filled with sprite since they were at a first birthday party. (Although Sweet Pea did invite Toni and Fangs out for drinks that night as celebration of him not killing Poppy in her first year of life.) The rest of the group raised their own glasses and cheered the couple. Toni squeezed her wife into a tight side hug and Cheryl wanted nothing more than to melt into her embrace. 

 

vii

 

“How are you ladies doing today?” The ultrasound tech asked them as she greeted the couple. She had the clipboard with Cheryl’s details in her hand. Cheryl smiled at her when she entered. Cheryl always loved the ultrasound, the little grainy image of their bean. This was their first ultrasound with their newest addition.

 

“Yeah we’re good.” Cheryl told her answering for the pair of them. Toni smiled and nodded.

 

“That’s good, any pregnancy symptoms?” She asked, sitting down in the seat next to the ultrasound apparatus. 

 

“Yeah, I’ve been having pretty bad morning sickness.” Cheryl informed her. 

 

“That’s tough, you should talk to your local doctor to see if they can do anything if it keeps up.” She sympathised. Cheryl nodded. “Did you have any with your last pregnancy?”

 

“No, I had a great pregnancy with my daughter. It was very easy going.”

 

“This baby just likes to torment poor Cher.” Toni said with a small laugh. 

 

The ultrasound tech laughed too. “You girls wanna go see the little tormentor then?” She asked as she turned the computer on. 

 

“Please.” Cheryl said as Toni nodded. 

 

The ultrasound tech squirted the gel on Cheryl’s exposed stomach. Cheryl shivered slightly but turned her gaze onto the screen of the computer to see what was happening with the bean. She began to search around for the sack with the little prober. When her laughing smile left her face and an serious expression took over Cheryl knew something was wrong. 

 

“How far along did you two say you were?” She asked the couple, her eyes on the screen as she zoomed in onto something. 

“Eleven weeks.” Toni supplied. 

 

She frowned and flipped the image on the screen. “What I’m seeing here is more indicative of a nine week scan.” She told the couple. 

 

“What does that mean?” Cheryl asked worried. “Is something wrong?”

 

“I’m just going to see if I can find a heartbeat.” She told them and Cheryl nodded slowly. Toni held tightly to Cheryl’s hand, giving it reassuring squeezes. 

 

When she couldn’t find anything Cheryl’s heart dropped. Something was wrong. Something had to be wrong.

 

“Okay, I’m afraid I couldn’t locate the heartbeat but if by some chance you are actually at a different weeks gestation that we thought I’m going to schedule you to come back in two weeks.” Cheryl nodded. “But I do have to make you aware that there is a fairly big possibility that what you’re experiencing is a missed miscarriage. I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh.” was all Cheryl could say.

 

“Now if you do experience any bleeding in the next two weeks please call back here. If you need anyone to talk to there is a number for a grief counsellor at the front desks.”

 

She said some other stuff but Cheryl stopped listening. Everything sounded muffled and she couldn’t focus on anything. 

 

She doesn’t remember getting into the car and driving home. She doesn’t remember getting into her pajamas, all she remembers was hugging Nessa tight to her chest and Toni holding them both from behind as she tried her best to stop herself from crying in front of their daughter. 

 

viii

 

Two weeks later their nightmares were confirmed and Cheryl has never hated her own body more. Why was it still pretending she was pregnant? Why was she still having symptoms? Why couldn’t it just let go?

 

They scheduled Cheryl in for a D&C for a weeks time. Cheryl had to keep her dead baby inside her for another week. The thought made her want to separate from herself and also never let it go. 

 

She sobbed the entire way home. Toni had Sweet Pea take Nessa for an impromptu sleepover. They needed to grieve without her there. Cheryl wouldn’t let herself feel hurt in their daughters present. 

 

ix

 

Cheryl started to miscarry naturally herself at home. Toni held her hand for most of the time as she cried over every cramp. They had put one Nessa’s bed mat on their bed and covered that again with towels to protect the mattress. Cheryl felt like a giant baby, without control over her own body. 

 

And she was so terrified she would see it. The doctors assured her she wouldn’t, that it had more than likely broken down within her, that they would more than likely not even notice it. Cheryl didn’t know if that was bad too, as much as she didn’t want to see it, was going by completely unnoticed not worse. 

 

“How do we tell Nessa?” Cheryl asked Toni, tears pouring down her face. She was gripping onto the duvet of the bed forcefully, for fear that if she let go it too might disappear. 

 

“Don’t worry about that yet.” Toni reassured her. Hugging her tightly, tears budding in her own eyes. 

 

“We ordered paint.” Cheryl sniffled. “What are we going to do with the paint now?” 

 

“Cher, don’t worry about any of this right now.” Toni told her, a little more firmly this time. “We don’t have to worry about any of that yet.” Her voice warbled as she told her, trying as hard as she can to stop her sobs from ripping out of her throat. 

 

Cheryl let her own sobs pour. And pour and pour and pour. Her body rattling as Toni squeezed her tighter despite tears rolling down her own face. Neither girl knew what to say, nothing could really heal this pain.

 

“What did I do wrong?” Cheryl whispered. “I don’t know what I did wrong.” 

 

Toni sobbed herself. “You didn’t do anything wrong. No one knows why things like this happened.” She tried to reassure her wife. 

 

Cheryl shook her head. “No. I had to have done something wrong.” Cheryl pulled her knees up tight to her chest and buried her face into her legs. 

 

“Don’t say that.” Toni told her. “It isn’t your fault Cheryl.”

 

“Then whose fault is it!” Cheryl snapped sitting up straight. The hurt was evident in her eyes as her mouth gritted into an angry snarl. “Tell me!” She ran a frustrated hand through her hair, wildly spinning to face Cheryl. “If it isn’t my fault, then who can I be mad at? You? No! Of course not. The only person I can be mad at is me, so let me bed mad.”

 

Ton frowned and let the tears fall from her face harder and faster. “I don’t know who’s fault it is, Cheryl. Maybe it’s no ones fault. These sort of stuff just happen. Please don’t blame yourself.” She sobbed, she pulled herself away from Cheryl to wipe her eyes. 

 

“They died inside of me.” Cheryl whispered with a sniff. “Do you know what that feels like?” 

 

Toni shook her head because of course she didn’t. “I’m so sick and poisonous that I killed our baby and then my body wouldn’t let it go and I carried around a dead baby for eighteen days. I’m a sick, horrible murderer and if you don’t think that’s my fault then that’s fine but I have to blame me.”

 

“I lost that baby too, Cher. I’m hurting too and it hurts me more that you are feeling like this. So please let us hurt together, don’t do this.”

 

“Don’t do what? I’m just being honest Toni.” Cheryl shrugged, her voice suddenly devoid of emotion.

 

Toni sighed. “I’m going out for a bit, I need a walk.” Toni told her, she grabbed her coat from behind the door. 

 

Cheryl shrugged, avoiding Toni’s gaze. “Whatever.”

 

“I love you.” Toni reminded. 

 

“Love you too.” Cheryl mumbled as she lay herself down on the bed, letting her tears soak her pillow.

 

Toni frowned at the pitiful sight before her. It pains her to look at it anymore.

  
  
  


x

 

“Toni, what the hell are you doing? It’s only four.” Jughead asked her as he tugged the drink from her hand. Toni wanted to put up a fight but she was far too exhausted to do anything. So she let out a little whine before resting her head on the counter of the bar. 

 

“Come on Tiny, you have to go home. Cheryl will be worried about you.” Sweet Pea coarsed, nudging her shoulders. 

 

“It hurts too much to be home.” Toni whimpered, her voice muffled through the fabric of her jacket. 

 

“Neither of you will do any healing with you at the Wyrm.” Jughead pointed out. 

 

Toni pouted. “She thinks it’s her fault. I don’t know how to tell her it’s not.” She let out a weak sob before Sweet Pea engulfed her in a giant bear hug. 

 

“I get it, Toni. I do, but you can’t stay here.” Sweet Pea comforted as he began to gently rock her side to side. Toni rested her head against his shoulders. 

 

“I really wanted the baby, Pea. I really wanted them.”

 

“I’ll bring the car around the front.” Jughead told Sweet Pea who gave him a slight nod, not letting go of Toni.

 

“No, I can’t go home.” Toni argued, hitting Sweet Pea’s back lightly trying to escape his grip. 

 

Sweet Pea broke his hold on her. He had a serious look on his face, he nearly seemed angry. “Don’t be selfish, T.” He told her. Toni frowned. “Your wife is sitting in her bed all alone, in a lot of pain, going through all of this while you drink you weight in a bar.” 

 

Toni didn’t like to think of it that way. She didn’t want to feel like she had abandoned Cheryl. 

 

“Did she call you?” Toni asked. 

 

Sweet Pea didn’t answer but Jughead pulled around the front and he guided her towards the car. Toni didn’t put up a fight and clambered into the front seat. 

xi

 

When the guys dropped her home they came in to help make a dinner. Toni noticed that Rosie and Nessa were playing in the living room. Neither girl noticed Toni walk in. Toni teared seeing her baby girl playing with her friend. She hadn’t seen her in three days. 

 

“Go check on her.” Jughead told Toni, quietly. He gave Toni a reassuring squeeze on her arm and Toni nodded walking upstairs. 

 

Toni nodded. When she got upstairs Cheryl wasn’t in bed anymore, instead she was in new pajamas stripping off the bed sheets. She was sobbing silently as she did. 

 

“Cher” Toni said quietly, sympathy clear in her voice.

 

“There was so much blood, T. It was so clotted and thick and it hurts so bad.” Cheryl sobbed as she dropped the sheet in her hand onto the floor. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Toni sobbed walking across the floor wrapping Cheryl into a tight hug. “I shouldn’t have left.”

 

Cheryl clutched onto Toni’s shirt, keeping her close. “I think I saw them Toni. I know the doctor said we wouldn’t but I think I did.”

 

Toni’s hand faltered as she brushed it through Cheryl’s hair. “Yeah.” She said, not knowing what to say. 

 

“And I was so scared, T. I was sitting on the toilet for like an hour when it came out. It felt different to everything else.”

 

Toni nodded against Cheryl.

 

“I was so scared,” Cheryl repeated. “I didn’t know what to do, so I just flushed it.” It came out quickly and high pitched in a strangled sob. 

 

Toni wanted to be mad, she thought she would be. She couldn’t bring herself to be, she wasn’t there. Cheryl was alone doing all of this. She was alone, passing it, whilst Toni was drinking in a bar.

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Toni reassured her. “Do you want to go sit down and I’ll finish the bed.” 

“Can you just hold me?” Cheryl asked quietly, not letting go of Toni’s shirt. 

 

“Of course.” 

 

xii

 

Nessa snuggled herself against Cheryl. “Mo?” She asked, twirling her finger around Cheryl’s hair. 

 

“Yes, baby.” Cheryl replied, squeezing Nessa tighter. 

 

“Did something happen?” She asked, a little confused. 

 

Cheryl frowned. She felt bad for Nessa. She had been shipped around to different houses for sleepovers and playdates over the last three days. 

 

“What do you mean?” Cheryl asked her. It was more so to buy herself more time to think of an answer.

 

“Are you sick? Mama says I have to be gentle with you.” 

 

Cheryl paused, she doesn’t know if Toni should be with her for this. 

 

“You know Mo’s brother, your uncle J.J?”

 

Nessa nodded. “Up in heaven.” 

 

“Yeah, well you see. The baby, they weren’t ready.” Cheryl paused. She wasn’t sure how to word this. 

 

Nessa furrowed her brow confused. “Ready for what?” 

 

“The baby is gone up with J.J.” Cheryl tried to explain

 

“Oh.” Nessa finally said after thinking for a while. “Will he take care of my baby brother?” 

 

Cheryl felt herself tear up. “Of course he will.” Cheryl promised, kissing Nessa on the side of the head. She looked up to see Toni leaning against the frame of the door, her own tears running down her face. “Come join the cuddle.” Cheryl ordered opening her arms to make room for Toni.

Toni nodded and crawled into bed next to Nessa, wrapping an arm around her and Cheryl. They’d get through all of this together. 


End file.
